'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
did you just send me my own nude
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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