I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
