And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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