i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
