Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
