My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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