I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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