I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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