I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
