Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
