No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
