Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
