True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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