my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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