You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
