So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
