I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
