Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
