dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
