Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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