If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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