So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
