dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
