we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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