Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
