nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Two words: blizzard sex
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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