All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
