Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
