I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
