Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
