I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
