There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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