I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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