On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
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She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
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That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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