Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
