Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
