She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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