The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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