I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
