Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
