hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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