I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
