I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID