no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.