You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.