Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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