My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
