you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
