If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
