Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
