my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
