I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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