Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I AM VODKA MAN
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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