physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
