And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
