yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
