the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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