I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
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I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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