i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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