all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
