just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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