We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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