hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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