so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
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I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
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He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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