____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
