Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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